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Displaying articles 1 through 25 of 50

Latest South Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Here is the latest South Dakota news from The Associated Press...
SD Highway Patrol determines driver in fatal crash
SD Highway Patrol determines driver in fatal crash
Group blocks regents from leaving UCLA building
Latest Montana news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Lame Deer man dies in crash
Mont. agency pushes lighter alcohol sale penalties
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Minn. farmer cited in truck spill
Minn. farmer cited in truck spill
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Cement truck driver charged with manslaughter
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Here is the latest North Dakota news from The Associated Press...
3 go to hospital after wet spill; snowplows called
3 taken to hospital after wet spill
Bismarck State College adding campus police
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Missoula man arrested for DUI again
Higway Patrol IDs Ohio man killed on I94
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Rollover near Valley City kills driver
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Latest South Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Minot Teen Killed In Rollover
Here is the latest South Dakota news from The Associated Press...
Patrol: 2 dead in crash near Presho
Patrol: 2 dead in crash near Presho
Update on the latest news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Police search Mo. land in child sex crimes case
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Cops: 5 family members arrested in sex crimes case
Here is the latest North Dakota news from The Associated Press...
Kenmare Woman Killed in Crash
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Minivan crash kills ND woman
Latest South Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Here is the latest South Dakota news from The Associated Press...
2 dead in motorcyclecar crash in SD
Suspect able to talk...Stocks reach new highs...Weaker storm...
Car crash kills 1 near Rapid City
Bigrig plummets off San Francisco bridge
NFL star Lawrence Taylor arrested in Fla. crash
2 dead in motorcyclecar crash in SD
Latest South Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Here is the latest South Dakota news from The Associated Press...
Woman hit, killed on Calif. highway fetching boxes
2 SD men killed in crash
2 SD men killed in crash
Hoeven Deploys State Resources In Search For Missing Dickinson State University Women
Here is the latest Montana sports from The AP
Latest Montana sports:
Inquest set for Nov. after Mont. police shooting
Authorities say man stole car to face theft charge
Latest North Dakota news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Big marijuana bust in Mandan
No one hurt when bus crashes into truck
Inquest set for Nov. after Mont. police shooting
Van stolen 35 years ago is recovered
Latest Montana news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Man killed in ATV crash near Alberton
Latest Montana news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Victim of twovehicle crash identified
Latest Montana news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Here is the latest Montana news from The Associated Press...
Man killed in Mont. rollover crash
Missing DSU Students
Missing DSU students
Three DSU softball players missing
Latest Montana news, sports, business and entertainment:...
Valier man dies in rollover crash
Indiana man killed in crash identified
Fatality West of Mandan
SUV Rollover
Bismarck girl, 14, dies in SUV rollover
New Salem man, 21, dies in rollover accident
Indiana man, 41, dies in 1vehicle accident
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Comments Posted by KXNet.com Users in Highway Patrol News Articles


Posted by hobbiegurl on Oct 5 2009 1:52PM
In Article: Olie&Lars
LOL> I laughed at so many of those! Thank you for sharing! Reply...


Posted by 37rye on Oct 5 2009 8:40AM
In Article: Top Ten Signs A Redneck Has Been Using Your Computer
POLITICAL BASH 


 










The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked,  "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.

The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.






Reply...


Posted by care29 on Oct 5 2009 5:58AM
In Article: Top Ten Signs A Redneck Has Been Using Your Computer
If the seven cars in yard aren't mobile but your home is...you might be a redneck. 

If your family tree don't branch, you might be a redneck.

If you think the last 4 words to the Star Spangled Banner are Gentleman Start Your Engines,  you might be a redneck.

Marilyn, I couldn't pick a favorite...although number 10 and 1 are really really funny!!!
Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 4 2009 11:28PM
In Article: Top Ten Signs A Redneck Has Been Using Your Computer

You know a redneck has been on your computer when you find your machine stuck on a fly swatter page with smooshed flys all over your screen.


http://majman.net/fly_loader.html


If you have watched yo mama cuss the highway patrol all the way to jail in the backseat of a highway patrol car for a speeding ticket, without taking the cigarette out of her mouth, you might be a redneck in North Dakota.


If you wakeup and drill a 3 foot hole in the ice and watch breakfast swim by, you might be a red neck in North Dakota.


If you have a sister named BillyBOB you might be a redneck from North Dakota.


If your wife is unusually pleasant and packs your lunch and gear and hastens you out of the house to go hunting  ThinkingYou might be a getting divorced red neck in North Dakota.


If your wife shoots you in the back of the head target practicing for deer hunting you might be a red neck and not nesessarily in North Dakota any more. Smiley Shot<br/>
 


If you take your wife deer hunting to walk point, and you use the ole deer hollar for deer, oh deer come here  Reindeer and she answers and you shoot.  Question Markyup your definetly a red neck from North Dakota.  


If you have wittnessed real terrorism in the field deer hunting and qualify for PTSD tests you are an Official red neck from North Dakota.


 



Reply...


Posted by Sick~O King on Oct 4 2009 10:15PM
In Article: Top Ten Signs A Redneck Has Been Using Your Computer
I think number 10 was the best one... Reply...


Posted by Marilyn on Oct 2 2009 8:52PM
In Article: Olie&Lars

One night, Ole and Lena were fast asleep when all of a sudden the phone rings. Ole wakens and goes to answer it.


"How the heck should I know, that's a thousand miles away!!" he barks into the phone and then slams down the receiver.


"Who was that?" asks Lena.


"I have no idea, Lena, " answers Ole. "Somebody wanted to know if the coast is clear." 




Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"


Ole says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear) shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."


The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"


Ole says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"


*********************************


 



Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.


"$10 for 3 minutes, " replied the pilot.


"That's too much, " said Ole.


The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."


Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride.


After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."


"Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out." 



******************************************



Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally having a celebration of some sort.


"Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the party continued.


They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender’s curiousity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked.


"51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded.


"What did you do in 51 days?" he probed.


"Put the puzzle together," they replied, "51 days and the box said 3-5 years!" 


****************************************





One particular Sunday Ole was lying back in the hammock and having just returned from church with Lena he was feeling a little religious. "God," said Ole, "vhen you made Lena, vhy did you make her so nice and round and so pleasant to hold?"


Suddenly a voice from above said, "So you would love her, Ole."


"Vell then vhy, oh vhy," asked Ole, "vhy Lord did you make her so stupid?"


"So she would love you," replied the voice. 





Reply...


Posted by Marilyn on Oct 2 2009 8:38PM
In Article: Olie&Lars


When Ole went to play cards with da boys his friend Lars asked him, " Why is it when we play cards you bring your wife, when we go fishing you bring your wife, and when we go bowling you bring your wife."


Ole replied, "Have you noticed that Lena is a kind of ugly. Dis way I don't have to kiss her goodbye." 


**********************************



Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the best fishing I've seen since I was a boy."


Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?"


Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don't rent the same boat next time." 


*******************************


 




Ole went to the Doctor because he was feeling a little sick. After a few tests the Doctor told Ole, "I'm sorry to tell you that you have a rare disease that is incurable and you are going to die in 6 months. But to help you out I'm going to prescribe that you move in with your mother-in-law."


Ole replied, "That’s terrible Doc, but why should I move in with my rotten mother-in-law."


The Doc said, "Because that will be the longest 6 months of your life." 




Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? "


“Just a minute, " said the busy clerk.


"Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I’ll yust take da bus." 




The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non?support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support."


"Vell, dat's fine, Judge, " said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."





Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 2 2009 7:00PM
In Article: Olie&Lars

  Farmer Ole and Lena were on a drive in the rain when Lena spys a baby  Skunk skunk along side the road.  Lena instructs Ole to pullover and rescue the poor baby skunk  Skunk<br/>
 out of the road and in the cold rain.  She says "look Ole it is shivering".  Ole says to put it under her dress. Lena says what about the smell?  Ole says "it will get used to it".


Further down the road the highway patrol stopped him for speeding and weaving over the cener line.  Smelling booze on Olie's breath he askes  Sheriff "Ole , have you been drinking?"


 Doofus Ole says "Aaawww NO! if ya dOnt berieve me yust ask Lena she is a good chrrrissstian woman and wouldnt lye for anyone"


 Policeman "Well how about it Lena has Ole been drinking?"


Lena says shyly "If dare is anything i've learnd bein married to Ole for 40 years is you dont argue with him when he is drunk".   Blushy Girl




Reply...


Posted by Marilyn on Oct 2 2009 5:56PM
In Article: Olie&Lars
Ole ain't da brightest guy, but he sure is loveable! Reply...


Posted by hobbiegurl on Oct 2 2009 8:59AM
In Article: Olie&Lars

LOL. I love those jokes! I giggled a lot! TY

Reply...


Posted by Marilyn on Oct 2 2009 12:23AM
In Article: Olie&Lars
Lena called the newspaper to place an obituary when Ole
died.

The receptionist asked "What would you like his obituary
to say?", to which Lena answered, "Ole died."

The receptionist then asked, "Lena, you get five full
words for free. Isn't there anything more you'd like to
say?"

A long pause followed. Finally, Lena answered: "Ole died.
Chevy for sale."

******************************

Ole was having eye trouble, so he went to see the optometrist. "Put
this little gadget over your left eye, Ole," said the optometrist. "Now
over the right eye, over the left eye. No, Ole, I said left eye. Now
right . . . No Ole, your right eye!"

Completely confused, Ole just looked at the optometrist.
"Now, Ole," the optometrist continued, "just remember which is your
left hand. OK, Ole, cover your right eye . . . No Ole, that's your left
eye!"

Finally in exasperation, the optometrist took a brown paper bag,
cut a hole in it, put it over Ole's head, and moved the hole back and
forth from the left eye to the right eye. "Now, Ole," asked the
optometrist, "How is that?" "Vell, Doc, I guess it's all right," said
Ole. "But I vas vishing I could have some wire rims like Sven."
Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 2 2009 12:10AM
In Article: Olie&Lars

 Laughing 2 why i like the breast stroke one ill never know!


Ole went to the Polish Olympics.  They asked him if he was a Pole voulter?


 Thinking He said "No, and my name ain't Valter".





Reply...


Posted by Marilyn on Oct 1 2009 11:59PM
In Article: Olie&Lars
Oh yah you betcha, it's Ole!

So Lena was competing in the Sons of Norway Swim Meet and she came in last place in the hundred-yard breast stroke and she said to the judges, "Oh say, I don't vant to complain, but I tink those other two girls were using der arms"! 



Sven and Ole went out duck hunting, and they worked at it for a couple hours and finally Sven says: "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?" "I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough."



So Ole got a car phone and on his way home on the freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the freeway on my new car phone." 

And Lena says, "Be careful because on the radio they say that some nut is driving the wrong way on the freeway."


And Ole says, "One nut - - - - heck, there are hundreds of them!" 




So Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple hours Sven says, "This ain't no fun. How come the girls aren't friendly to me?" 

"Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that would help." 


- - -So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, "I tried what you told me with the potato, but it doesn't help." 


"No, Sven - - - you're supposed to put the potato in the front." 





The pastor at Sven and Ole's church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and asks "Why don't Sven and Ole want to go to heaven?"  Sven answers, "Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. But ve taught you were taking a load up right now and ve aren't ready yet." Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 1 2009 5:10PM
In Article: Olie&Lars

Ole   Thinking so thats how ya spell it.


Ole lived along the river opposite Clarence.  Every day Clarence would yell profanitys at Ole and every time Ole said if it wasn't for this river I would be over there beating you like bad monkey.


One day the bridge company came out and built a bridge and Clarence was cussing Olie.  Lena yells to Ole  Flirty 2 "now is you chance to prove your not all talk Ole cross that bridge and beat him! "


Ole slowly walked to the bridge and shrugged I Dunno  his shoulders and came back.


Lena says " I just knew you were all talk OLE!"


 Embarrassed "Its not that LENA, there is a sign on the bridge that says  CAUTION!! CLARENCE IS 12 FEET 6 INCHES !!  Hmm He sure looked a lot smaller from a distance.





Reply...


Posted by Theresa Mcewen on Oct 1 2009 4:12PM
In Article: Olie&Lars

Ole, Lena, and little Ole went to the big City for the first time. They were walking down the street and looking in the windows of the big buildings. Little Ole spotted something that caught his eye and ran into a building. Big Ole and Lena followed him. There they all stood in front of a shiny metal door that was cut into a wall of black marble. A chubby, elderly, gray haired lady walked up and pushed a button on the wall next to the door. The door opened and she walked into the little room behind the shiny door. The door closed and the numbers above the door counted up and then down again. The shiny doors opened and a beautiful, well built, young lady walked out.


Little Ole said, "What kind of machine is dat, Dad?"


Big Ole replied, "I don't know little Ole, but push dat button and shove your Ma in there."


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ole and his brother Lars grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There's no fish under the ice."


Ole an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, " There's no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up.


Ole said, "Are you God?"


The voice spoke back, "No, the ice rink attendant."

Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 1 2009 3:40PM
In Article: Olie&Lars
KXNET  Ignoring You just asked if i wanted to start a goodbye post after that one or if they should just go ahead and ban me now?





Reply...


Posted by Sianna Conko on Oct 1 2009 3:40PM
In Article: Olie&Lars
lol omg..that one is crazy!!! Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 1 2009 3:34PM
In Article: Olie&Lars

Well after a crap joke like that I might as well keep going!


Olie and Lena were driving along when she tells Olie to pull over she had to go to the bathroom.  Olie thought about it, and there were no rest areas near, and says you cant go to the bathroom here, you will get the ground all muddy.  I know a spot hold on Lena!


Olie speeds up to the river and pulls over in the middle of the bridge.  Lena looks at Olie and askes how do you expect me to relieve myself here.  Olie says just sit up on the gard rail and hang your butt over the side.  Lena realizing Olie was showing great competence in oudoor matters,  Thinking  she struggles to get her butt over the side, and when she does she yells "OLIEEEE I'M PEEING IN A CANUE!  Olle looks over the rail and says, "Lena,  thats no canueQuestion Mark that is your reflection".





Reply...


Posted by hobbiegurl on Oct 1 2009 2:59PM
In Article: Olie&Lars
I appreciate a good joke! Especially while having a crappy day at work so, TY! Reply...


Posted by kx viewer on Oct 1 2009 2:10PM
In Article: Olie&Lars

Hobbiegurl atleast someone got the joke. The rest of the 40 readers must be norwegian and don't quite get it. 


 Thinking Perhaps I need to describe it to them in more graphic detail?


 





Reply...



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